this man i cant even
ramble tiem
take christianity and religion in general, and how we rant about the sanctity of marriage. but do any of you know what it’s like in a “christian” culture, e.g. bible college or church community? how young people get married, how it’s treated as something you do ASAP? i am only 21 years old, i have gone to a “bible college” for the past 3 years and in that time i have seen 18 year olds get engaged and married in a year. one girl i knew was 20, met a guy in september, dated in october, married by the next january when she was 21. i literally hear people say, “you’ve been dating one year, what are you waiting for?” young women i know have the biggest insecurity issues because they aren’t engaged or married by age 23, it’s like something is supposedly wrong with you. this is NOT OKAY for people to think. what the fuck.
because they might know the reasons why marriage is “sacred” and important and what it symbolizes in their beliefs, and why you might want to actually wait for the “right” person. but most people, because of the other limits and restrictions of what they “believe,” just want to be able to sleep next to someone. they want to be able to have sex and not be told it’s wordly and disgusting. they don’t want to be ashamed of their sexuality or their bodies or their human desires, and the only way we’ve made that possible is by swearing and promising to be united to another person for life.
so i know a lot of people who got married when they were really young, and they started having children nearly immediately. and they’re maybe twenty, and they’re holding this baby, and they’re hardly able to get a job that supports their life because the women don’t want to work, they want to raise a family and be mothers, and maybe that’s admirable in some fashion. i don’t think all women are career women. but you can’t be a child yourself, trying to find your place in the world and figuring out who you are and how to love this person you’ve just married, trying to find out first hand how troubling life and finances can be.
that’s another thing. i’ve been living on my own since i came out to college, i never went back home. i pay for everything myself. i have a job. i work through my classes and extra-curricular activities and hobbies and a relationship. many people “have it worse” than me, but i definitely have it harder than the people who are willingly and blindly throwing themselves into marriages without having a clue what life is like. people who come fresh from highschool and living at home to meeting someone they want to marry first year of college, who move back home with mom and dad during the summer, who don’t work at all, who get everything handed to them. then they get married, and all of a sudden they REALIZE for the first time that there are bills to pay, and taxes, and appointments to make that the government and daddy’s benefits don’t cover anymore. transportation gets expensive. and you’re trying to learn who this person is that you love and how to make a relationship work, but you’re pregnant, and he is still looking for a job, and money is tight, and the lease is up. and your friends just keep sending you decorated little post-it notes saying they’re praying for you. nothing gets resolved.
so now you’re 25, and you have a 4 year old girl, and a 1 year old, and you’re pregnant with your third. and your husband works odd jobs and hates it, and he becomes an alcoholic, but he wants to be a pastor, and you try so hard to fake a smile and be the perfect pastor’s wife and hide his sin and your family’s shame. you were so happy when you were engaged, and when you met. how did life get to be like this? you didn’t think it would be so hard.
a year later you get divorced.
i mean, this whole thing is fictional, but possible, and i have heard of very similar things happening. why do “christians” get married? why do they get married so soon, and so young? i think a lot of it has to do with sex and wanting a relationship so desperately. i’ve had friends who weren’t allowed to date until they were 18, and the first boy they take an interest in becomes “omg the one” and if it doesn’t work out, they don’t get engaged and married and live happily ever after, it’s crushing for them. it’s an unhealthy and unrealistic expectation of life and relationships. people don’t date to evaluate in one evening whether or not they are compatible for life. people date to meet people and get to know them before they decide whether or not they want to continue to see each other. it takes a lot of work to learn who someone is. it isn’t simple, it isn’t something to rush. i understand that some people meet and get married quickly and are married for decades, quite happily. i think it’s the exception and not the rule. i know many people have difficulties and crises and get through them fine. i think those successes are far more likley if you know more about your partner and how to function in a relationship.
the short story is that i don’t think christians and religious people have any right to act like they are better than anyone who is, in their eyes, “ruining the sanctity of marriage” when our own young people are running around treating it like a free pass to get fucked.
